I’ve decided to reach across the aisle and lay down the law on this topic for both sexes. Guys, i’ll tell you why she does it (though it won’t make sense). Girls, i’ll tell you what to do instead. But first, allow me to vent a little…
Honestly, this topic is another one that really chaps my hide. Its got to be changed. Its even tough to talk about, but here we go…
THE SCENARIO
Guy meets girl out, usually with a few adult beverages for liquid courage. Guy chats up girl, using a few of his go-to jokes and trying to engage the girl’s always-reluctant, never-amused, ‘I wish you’d just go to the bar and get us a drink’ friends. Guy realizes he’s gotten a few laughs and smiles and finds the girl attractive. Guy asks for girl’s number and she gives it to him. Guy waits the mandatory 1 day layover before texting. Guy texts an inside joke about the night (something like, “BTW, I googled it and a group of deer IS called a MOB. Knew it”) and an invite to grab a drink sometime during the week. Radio silence from the girl. Anger and confusion ensues for the guy.
And that’s it. Girl never says one more word to the guy, goes dark, and acts like the whole number exchange thing was done with purely to get the guy away without hurting his feelings. Ugh. Most likely, she gets the text and tells one of those lame friends, ‘OMG, he actually texted me and wants to hang out. I don’t get it. What a creeper!’ Seriously, I hate girls sometimes. You gave this man your number and you think he’s creepy for wanting to take you out?!? Well I think you’re gross and your friends are swamp dogs.
THE SOLUTION
I have spoken to representitives for both the male and female gender, and here’s what I get. Guys- We have no clue why the hell a girl would give me her number if she has no intentions to respond. (I agree). We would never just hand over our number at random and we think girls wouldn’t do that either. If you like a guy, you give your number, if you don’t, you don’t. It’s as American as baseball. Girls- Girls don’t want to be mean to guy or embarrass them with a rejection, so they are trying to be nice and go with something much less awkward then a flat out rejection. (Comes from a good place, I guess. But fails the logic test).
Here is what both sides need to know. Guys have to remember girls are programmed to consider most guys as dicey creeps just trying to get a girl home, which puts us in an impossible position. If you aren’t introduced directly to this girl or don’t have at least 10 mutual Facebook friends, you might as well be a convicted felon in this girls eyes. It takes thick skin, but you miss every shot you don’t take, so even if you get the rejection, keep trucking. If you get the number, text away, and know that if she doesn’t respond, you aren’t to blame.
Girls, remember that guys are not all creeps trying to take you home. Many are. And some are in fact, those felons you are afraid of meeting. However, some have asked for your number with intention of being completely respectful and taking you on a nice introductory date. Remember that your friends aren’t that smart in terms of their radars on creepy guys, because.. well… think about all those clowns they have ended up with. Seriously, what do they really know? Finally, remember when you give a guy your number, he has every right to think that means you’re interested and he probably told his boys about you. Annnd his boys ALWAYS follow up to see if you texted him back. Sucks to have to tell them you got nada (not like i’d know). Also, he probably crafted his text multiple times and checked his iPhone ever 3.5 minutes to see if the screen lit up. Keep that in mind when you are deciding whether or not to give out your number.
GUIDELINES
So now that I’ve laid that out, here are my instructions to change this for good. Remember, ideally, I want both sides to win.
Guys: You’re good with me for now, unless you are one of the weirdoes messing it up for the guys trying to make moves. Non-weirdoes need to keep getting out there, approaching girls and asking for numbers. I mean, maybe be a little less drunk when you approach…but otherwise, I love where your head is at.
**Girls: If you meet a guy, and you’re talking to him, size him up and see what you think. You could be surprised if you don’t automatically rule him out within seconds. IF, you still think he’s a loser or you just aren’t feeling anything and he goes for the phone number, here are 3 options that are WAY better than just not responding the next day:
1. Direct but nice- This method is for the girls who are ready to tell it how it is. Basically, all you have to do is tell the guy you appreciate his interest and are flattered, but you aren’t interested and wouldn’t want to mislead him. There, you said it. Now its out in the open. You can watch his face as his ego takes a punch to the dick, but any guy who’s got shit going for him will walk it off (probably muttering about how you don’t even know how much you’re missing out on).
2. Indirect and flattering- A second way to do this is for girls to dodge while still flattering the guy. It takes some skill but it gets you to the same outcome while making the guy feel good. For example, a girl could say ‘Oh wow. That’s so sweet of you.. You know what, I am tempted but probably shouldn’t. With everything I have going on, work, travel, etc. I just can’t risk starting something new…’ Now this makes the guy feel like you are into him, but are trying to be smart and logical. You aren’t exactly telling the truth, but there probably aren’t any lies that will send you to hell, so you’re fine. Close to a win win.
3. Flat out lie- This is the third and more disputed technique. Personally, I think this one makes the guy walk away feeling the best. This is where you’d say, ‘I just started seeing someone and its kinda getting more serious, so unfortunately I can’t give you my number.. Otherwise, I def would have.’ Now, as a guy, he goes back to his boys and says ‘Pshh, she’s got a boyfriend. Otherwise we’d def be going out this week. No biggie.’ Guy keeps his confidence sky high and girl keeps her number private. I take this anyday over getting a number and never hearing back. Some guys would rather just know the truth… No way, lie to me!
Your choice ladies. Anything but the old way!
*Do not give fake numbers because then you’re just the worst. We are out of high school.
** Remember, giving your number and not responding doesn’t stop the guy from feeling bad. It just delays it 24-48 hours.
